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| I LOVE MY PAPA BEARRRR. <3
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| He was her first love.
The kind that only happens once.
It's not about where you go in life,
It's about who's by your side,
That makes it all worthwhile.
Until I met you,
I never knew it was possible,
To smile, for absolutely no reason.
I'd do anything,
Just to be with you.
And I want that kind of relationship,
The one where you can take stupid pictures...
And act like complete idiots around each other...
but not care one bit.
I stayed up all night thinking about your laugh;
Your smile, your eyes, your sweetness, your voice...
And if you ever thought about me.
And no matter what happens,
or how much time goes by,
I could never forget,
The first time you looked at me,
And I fell in love with your eyes.
If I'm laughing, they're usually the reason why
Without them, I swear I would die.
The greatest challenge in life,
Is to find someone who knows
All your flaws and differences,
And mistakes, yet, still loves
Everything about you
I miss that.
With all my heart, I truly do.
No matter how much I try to convince my self that I'm over everything,
I believe that it's all just lies.
 Dude, Japan watermelons are fucking square. Dubble-yoo-tee-eff?! | | |
| Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the bad.
Bad? Why is change bad?
We learn to live, we learn to love, we learn to mature.
Since my last post,
I am not longer with this boy whom I thought was so wonderful.
To make things short, he got back with his ex-girlfriend in the middle of everything.
You can only imagine how torn apart I was.
Now, I've gotten over it.
Everything would be too much to explain,
but let me put this this way:
He was using me. I still think that he is.
I haven't talked to Josh since November.
When I put the puzzle pieces together,
he only talks to me when he's fighting with his girlfriend.
Im come to realize that I was nothing but a cushion for him, a backup lover, nothing more.
I refuse to be used.
And I want him to realize some things.
He recently added me on Myspace again and I dont know whether to accept him or not.
(Josh deleted his Myspace a while ago and, apparently, he's made a new one recently)
I wanted to keep him as a friend. But Im afraid.
Im afraid that all I will ever be to him is a toy.
But you know,
I've never blamed him for anything.
I never said that it was his fault.
I did question myself, though.
Im glad that he has come into my life though.
Although he brought so much tragedy,
along with it came so much good.
I've learned to love my life.
And to not take things for granted.
I've learned to love myself and everything that I am.
He pulled me out of a hellhole that I've been in for the last two years.
I thank him for this.
Although he doesnt know, Im grateful.
I miss him, dearly, as anybody in my situation would.
But it's best to leave things as they are.
Dont feel sorry for me, dont feel anything.
Things happen and there is only so much you can do.
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| Story?
About a week or so ago we met these boys.
Under a table at the Alamoana Barnes and Noble.
Yes, under a table.
They just randomly came and talked to
us, and the both of our groups of friends never expected to see each
other again, but we exchanged numbers.
I didnt give them my number, my friend did.
I later on find out one of them wanted my number.
So I called one of the boys up and said it was totally fine.
He called me.
We talked.
For a very long time.
I came to find out that I really liked him.
Somewhere during the conversation this slipped out...
Him: "Hey...can I tell you something?"
Me: "Alright. What is it?"
Him: "Mm...I...kind of like you."
Me: "I like you too"
His name is Josh.~
Josh asked me if I wanted to go out on Saturday and I agreed.
Only to find out he'd gotten a girlfriend a day before we went out.
I wasnt mad or upset, I was totally happy for him.
That night he slept over at my house.
It was incredibly cute~
It was me, Josh, his friend Harrison, and my friend Chelisse.
Then they left the next day.
And he called that night.
Just last night he called me again.
Said him and his GF broke up, it was mutual.
So I was sad for him...I thought it would have actually worked out.
Then this came up again:
Josh: "Hey...can I tell you something?"
Me: "Alright."
Josh: "...I like you."
Me: "I feel loved. :)"
He went on to say about how he didnt believe my age.
He's 16, and Im 13 going on 14 September 29th.
So he told me he'd ask me out when I turned 14.
I told him he'd probably get another girlfriend by then.
And he told me to just wait and see because he wouldnt.
And a couple days ago when we were talking he asked me if I thought highly of myself.
I told him that I didnt.
Some stupid boy destroyed my self esteem.
I couldnt act or be who I wanted to be around that boy without being criticized.
Josh just asked me why I didnt get another boy to make me happy.
I said that I didnt know. I just couldnt.
And he told me: "Fine. I'll be that boy then."
I was going to tell him that he already was that boy but I didnt get to.
The situation doesnt seem as perfect as I lay it down to be.
There's so much more, and I like him so much...I am just crazily infatuated with this boy named Josh who seems to feel the same.
And it's so weird to say that I just met such an amazing boy at a bookstore under a table.
We're nothing more than just a guy and a lady who are infatuated with
eachother at the moment, but I can hope we may be something more than
friends in the future.
I like you.
I really do.
You're the only reason why Im so happy throughout the day; you give me reason to get through my school day.
I've never felt so happy in the longest time.
You are different than any other boy
I've met, and I can honestly say that I've never ever admitted to
liking someone as much as you.
"You are the one, the one who lies close to me.
Whispers: 'Hello, I miss you quite terribly'
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
There's no place I'd rather be but here in your arms..."
[From left to right]
My besty Christian, Josh, Me, and Josh's friend Kendal
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| These faggots make me giggle.
They cant come up to talk to me at all.
So instead, they decide to be fucking pussies and go behind my back.
Talk shit.
AND GET THEIR FRIENDS TO FUCKING TALK TO ME.
HAHAHAHA.
You cant get any fucking lame than that.
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